Michael

My background is in engineering and research. I quite enjoy, now, reflecting on how I became mad and that process of where the brain takes you. That I find fascinating. I think it’s quite difficult to become suicidal really. You need trigger points, some people just need one, I needed quite a few. But once you’re there…

The first time that I had heard the word Maytree I had been sectioned. I was in Chase Farm, Enfield, in the hospital unit. There were 4 people around the table chit chatting and 2 of those had both been guests at Maytree. It was 2005. It was coming up to the Christmas period and I didn’t think I’d get through it. One of the women said maybe you could go and stay at Maytree.

Maytree was a wonderful safe place. I remember I was in a bad place. It really was quite bad. I couldn’t cook or do anything for myself. I used to love porridge. On the first morning Michael made me porridge and I thought… that little thing, making the porridge, was good.

When I got better I thought maybe I should volunteer at Maytree. I think I have a sense of loyalty to Maytree. I find it therapeutic going there. It’s sometimes very challenging but I’ve never really thought it’s too overpowering, but when you walk through that door you never know…

Sue

My dad worked as a prison offer. I think he was a good prison officer because he had a really good caring side and a good understanding of what brought people to where they were in life. He always looked beyond the prisoner to how they had arrived at committing a crime.

After my mum died I actually went to work with my Dad in the prison. It was the 60s. There were 2 prisoners who worked with him there, making tea for visitors and things like that. I spent a lot of time with these two prisoners. They were lovely and so caring to me. Because my mum had died we used to go for Sunday lunch in the officer’s mess. I think that’s where I develop my interest in people. I realised that people get labeled but there’s so much more of a story than that. There’s so much to know about a person.

I left home at 17 and got accepted to start training as a psychiatric nurse whilst underage. I started working in a really old psychiatric hospital. The place was terrible. The treatment of the patients was disgusting. It was awful and really stressful. I left after a year.


I’m very drawn to people who have been in similar situations who I feel somehow speak the same language as me and we can understand each other. That’s what I love about Maytree. I think of all the guests and volunteers that I’ve met there’s only been three that I couldn’t get a rapport with, simply because they didn’t speak.

Usually I feel there’s an immediate understanding. It’s like people are completely stripped back. A lot of people arrive there and they haven’t had a chance to talk, ever, and it’s just very raw and very open and very honest. And I feel that’s the sort of relationship I can best deal with. 

Kwabena

I was studying social work when I started volunteering at Maytree. I enjoyed my time there so I continued even after I’d finished my studies.

There are so many people out there that try to commit suicide. I’m not trying to save them but I am trying to support them. I try to offer them different perspectives that help them recognise their difficulties. I do feel that I’m contributing in some way, even if it’s just helping them on to the path of recovery. The fact that people can make a phone call to Maytree is a sign of strength, to recognise where they are and what they need.


I know family and friends that have been affected by depression so that’s impacted my decision to stay there. It’s very simple at Maytree, it’s just talking and allowing people to express their emotions, but it’s also very effective. Whenever I do a shift it always feels like the first week that I’ve been there because the situation is so fresh and different. We form really short but meaningful connections with guests. Because the connection is so temporary it’s easy to say how you feel with someone, which I think helps to get things out and be honest.

Ben

When I stayed at Maytree in 2013 I used it as a holding place whilst I was waiting for my referral to a psychiatrist to come through. I think without Maytree and my stay at a psychiatric hospital combined, I wouldn’t be here. Work was one of the major factors leading up to this, alongside the breakup of a relationship, health reasons and some family members also being ill. I’d also started some therapy to address the suicide of my father and I just couldn’t do anything. It was paralysing.

When I was a guest there were two of us in the house. We arrived on the same day and left on the same day. We were six months apart, age wise. We had completely different stories but the core of it was that we were pretty depressed. To a certain extent that was as good as anything with the volunteers. We played a lot of cards, we sat out in the garden because it was roasting hot. We could just be suicidal together but also talk about football and have a laugh about cards. It didn’t mean oh you’re better now. At Maytree it was OK to have a laugh still.

I probably get as much from conversations with the volunteers as I do the guests. There’s a real sense of camaraderie with the volunteers. You can get to a level of conversation that’s free and honest really quickly, and also really supportive. That doesn’t really exist anywhere else.

Flo

I suppose I’ve always had perfectionist tendencies and I don’t think any one thing triggered it, but at the age of of 14 I developed anorexia and for the next 4 years I was in hospital more than I was school. The realisation that only I could save myself was terrifying.

Within 5 minutes of my first shift at Maytree a guest I had been talking to burst into tears. I offered him a hug and he took it gladly. I knew from that moment that the approach Maytree allowed us as befrienders to take was truly unique.

What I can empathise with when it comes to suicidal feelings is not knowing how to carry on. Anorexia is a bit like a temporary suicide — you kill off everything and everyone close to you; you starve yourself of a life you can’t bear to live. Although I was quite consciously pushing myself closer and closer towards death, there was always a part of me holding out hope that at some point I wouldn’t have to do this. My recovery began when I started to believe that I could enjoy being alive.

Fabiana

I’m from Italy. All the decisions I made when I lived in Italy were more to do with what my parents wanted me to do. I wanted to be a singer but ended up with accountancy. Instead of listening to my parents though I listened to The Beatles and moved to London to go to gigs.

In one of my jobs I was working with a colleague who had some mental health issues. It was shocking and I didn’t know anything about mental health at the time. I was also going through something myself. I thought, let’s go back to The Beatles once again and I started meditating and going to workshops. I applied for the US Diversity Visa Lottery and won a green card. My plan was to go to LA but I didn’t stay long, I was kind of running away.

I was having a very tough time. I thought now I understood what people felt when they haven’t got a way out. I tried everything, meditation, candles, incense, all my techniques but I couldn’t see a way out. It was mainly because I wasn’t working much and running out of money again. I started asking myself what to do now. I thought there must be a way out but I was very low.

I watched the Professor Green documentary by chance. I didn’t feel suicidal as such but I think I recognised what people go through when they’re not feeling strong enough. Often in London I see people that really don’t have a way out. We’re surrounded by lots of people but we’re very alone at the same time. It’s so important to connect with people. After I watched the documentary I wrote to Maytree because I wanted to be involved with something that spoke to me.

At first I found the idea quite challenging but I normally throw myself into things immediately. Suicide is such an important topic. At Maytree everyone supports each other. The stories you come across are not ones that you hear every day.

Dave

I used to work in IT and have my online business. Before that I worked in the city as a senior architect designing risk systems. I did that for about 20 years. 

I suppose I was always interested in what made people tick. When I was younger I wanted to understand the mechanics of the brain and as I got older I realised I didn’t care about the mechanics, I was more interested in why people arrive at certain things. I know it seems like an extreme switch from working with computers to working with people but it’s been quite gradual.

I think my own journey has been important as well. I feel like I’ve been constantly pushing myself and exploring myself every year. I started retraining 16 years ago in psychotherapy, philosophy and mindfulness. There were a few bumps in the road so I came back to psychotherapy with a spiritual component because that’s important to me.

When I was originally in my first year Maytree was one of the placements that was on offer. I felt I could really empathise with where people were, how difficult things were and how depression can grind you down and destroy you. I guess I was attracted to Maytree for that reason. I remember being at the interview and when they read out scenarios and my stomach lurched. It was such a strong reaction and I felt it was the place for me. I still feel like that.